just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We had to coat check the pizza.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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