Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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