How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
