her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
