I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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