thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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