dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
