dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
