hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?