I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
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just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
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yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!