So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
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She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
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Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.