you would pick up someone in the library
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
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rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
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Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.