Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market

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  (586): I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market http://tfl.nu/4otb
  Replies (1) Good night (790) Bad night (922)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show

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  (970): i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show http://tfl.nu/yysf
  Replies (5) Good night (1898) Bad night (1348)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.

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  (360): i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now. http://tfl.nu/qgk0
  Replies (6) Good night (2441) Bad night (579)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.

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  (904): i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial. http://tfl.nu/yyq8
  Replies (68) Good night (4434) Bad night (1377)
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  (760): View more from California

  Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?

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  (760): Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college? http://tfl.nu/r2e9
  Replies (36) Good night (3563) Bad night (3842)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.

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  (360): My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this. http://tfl.nu/p7t1
  Replies (17) Good night (1116) Bad night (4762)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.

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  (618): Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window. http://tfl.nu/h7i3
  Replies (22) Good night (1221) Bad night (4121)
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  (518): View more from New York

  my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks

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  (518): my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks http://tfl.nu/8135
  Replies (11) Good night (4425) Bad night (1080)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend

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  (720): Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend http://tfl.nu/9h3j
  Replies (5) Good night (3402) Bad night (908)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays

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  (+61): For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays http://tfl.nu/y95k
  Replies (3) Good night (990) Bad night (470)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"

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  (440): As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today" http://tfl.nu/8gjm
  Replies (3) Good night (746) Bad night (1423)
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  (657): View more from California

  He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.

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  (657): He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option. http://tfl.nu/oidb
  Replies (8) Good night (2006) Bad night (777)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.

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  (502): So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina. http://tfl.nu/7j91
  Replies (10) Good night (465) Bad night (705)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.

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  (573): Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls? (816): Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do. http://tfl.nu/ewbx
  Replies (2) Good night (1154) Bad night (299)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.

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  (928): it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird. http://tfl.nu/qac5
  Replies (5) Good night (574) Bad night (301)

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