This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
