I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
