What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
