Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i think i just lost a toe
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
