so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My balls are so social today.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
