come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
