i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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