it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
porn star boner night. come get it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
