if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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