she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
