I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
