wakey wakey hands off snakey
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
