I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
