Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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