Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
