Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
