I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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