I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
