You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i wish my penis had a tongue
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
