its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
