I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
