Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
actually, I'm a sock model
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
