Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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