my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
