I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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