Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Panties = found
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