I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
