This dress was meant to end up on your floor
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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