I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Still dying that you shit outside
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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