I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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