And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
