Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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