toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
