You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
