I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
