I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
