I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
