Screwed.edu
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
