white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
