i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize