Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
