connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
