dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
