i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The ass gains better be worth it
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