soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
this is an emotional support booty call
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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