So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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