I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Randomize
