when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
