Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
