i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
