i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
