Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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