ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Who died my cat blue again?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
