Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
