fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
