alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
