Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
