Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
