I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I've blown a few things in my day
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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