a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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