im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
