I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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