College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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