Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
