i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
