then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
