I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
