just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
