just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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