I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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