Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
